-Comps are hard...but I'm learning.
-Molly was the dear elder champion...but again thank you so much for everyone who has written me. Every time I get a letter it makes me so happy!
-Shout out to Braden for surviving the CCM! Best of luck in Florida<3
-I'm learning that I must have had a bit of a confidence issue at home....lol stop laughing katie. I know I worry way too much about what people think. I get called on to sing here several times a day in groups or leading music or solos...whatever it is I can sing 900x better than ever before cause I'm not panicking about what people think. It's so weird. And I go play volleyball all of the time and it turns out that when I'm not petrified of what everyone will think if I mess up, then I can actually play! And I totally keep up with the elders! It's way fun...
-I really love the mountains here, but every time I look outside I think of the glory days when I could run up the canyon and bike in the foothills...and Sundance...oh man sundance<3
-I lost my scriptures...good thing I don't need them ever...oh wait....I'm actually super sad and praying like crazy that they turn up
-MITCHELL GARNER IS IN THE CCM!!! 9th ward homies this is for you: I was walking down the hall and we made eye contact, then took a double take, then the most dramatic non-huggy reunion took place. We were both tearing up it was so funny. That guy is POWERFUL. He will make such a good missionary!
Okay so I figure I'll just tell it like it really is here at the MTC. I'll just be real and hope that someone out there will relate to it.
I'm assuming everyone knows the story of Christ walking on water, and Peter walking on the water toward him. As he walked the winds picked up and he looked away from Christ. He began to fear, and of course, started to sink. He had to call out to Christ to save him...and the Lord said to him "Oh ye of little faith". It's a lesson in faith vs. fear...in not doubting the faith that we already have.
Every day here feels like a life time. I step out in faith, hoping the Lord will provide, but when discoragement comes I remember that I don't have to be here, how great it will be to get home, the life I am excited to have after mission and so on....And of course that gets me thinking of coming home. Really, the hardest part about being a sister is that we don't have to be here...I don't know what each individual belief is, but here in the MTC it is clear that we can leave anytime and it will be okay. We don't have a duty to serve. But, I have a duty to follow the promptings that the Lord has given me. So it was a wild week of questioning my promptings, thinking down every possibility, and doubting my abilities. And being so frustrated that I am the one sinking and I can't keep my eye single to the glory of God.
On day 9 I woke up feeling good...thinking about how I'm helping my family and how time will fly and I will be back with them in no time...then I realized it was day 9. HAH I'm surprised I didn't pack my bags right then. But as I went through the day I got angry at myself...why can I preach all day that the Lord loves us and we should trust him, but I can't do it myself? Finally, I prayed for help to know if I should be here. I opened my scriptures and read Ether 12:6. It says, "I would show unto the world that faith is things which are hoped for and not seen; wherefore, dispute not because ye see not, for ye receive no witness until after the trial of your faith."
I felt pretty dumb...I know the Lord just wants me to have faith. Then I had the weirdest prompting: Heavenly Father would soon let me see a family similar to a family I will teach on my mission. Honestly it was weird, but strong. The next day at the temple we sat down on the grass. A white dude was holding preach my gospel, talking super sincerely to a Hispanic woman holding a baby. she had two other kids running around and the woman looked so stressed out...there wasn't even a light in her eyes. The two little kids ran up to us. Lewis and Martha (SO CUTE) They were just chatting it up with us, (from what we could understand they are 4 and 2) and asked us what church we go to! I told them all about primary and they ran up to their madre and asked if they could go to primary. The guy teaching her smiled and the lady started laughing...I had the most overwhelming feeling of love for that family. And I wanted to help them have the gospel so badly. I was also shocked that Heavenly Father blessed me with that experience...I knew it was no doubt from Him. All of the sudden I am so excited about the work! And I feel dumb because I shouldn't have been focusing on myself all week...I should have been thinking about the people who need to be invited to Christ. This really isn't about me, it's about them. The second I started thinking that way all of my worries went away.
"Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you." -Matthew 6:33
I know that "God will consecrate our afflictions for our Good", and that he will never lead us astray. Sometimes we have to give up a lot to build his kingdom, but it will all be worth it. Just trust Him!
If any of you have questions, doubts, struggles...really anything....read "Cast Not Away Therefore Your Confidence" By elder Holland. Seriously, it could help with marriage, school, jobs...and definitely missions.
And finally a little bit of my fave Hymn:
"Savior may I learn to love thee, walk the path that thou hast shown. Pause to help and lift another, finding strength beyond my own. Savior, may I learn to love thee Lord, I would follow thee."
And for my final announcement:
TUNE IN TO GENERAL CONF! YOUR GIRL HERMANA J HAS BEEN SELECTED TO SING IN THE MTC CHOIR!!!!!!!!! HUGE BLESSING I CAN NOT WAIT!!! I haven't been able to freak out yet because 1500 people who applied weren't selected. Super sad, but I'm pumped. They don't know I slaved 4 years away in sonous prepping for something as DOPE AS THIS! Today, the MTC isn't so bad. I will be wearing a blue shirt hehe. I will try to get on camera for you all (last week at a devo I prayed I would be on camera so Braden could get a little smile cause it was broadcast to the CCM and it worked....so maybe it will happen again? lol) HECK YA!
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